she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
