My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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