saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
