i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
