Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
