I think my fart just growled at me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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