all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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