the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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