her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
