Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sry I called you an 8
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
