Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
