that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Vodka?
Forever.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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