My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize