Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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