He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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