I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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