He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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