Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
