youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
