just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
