I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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