She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
