he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
