also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
