I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
