Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
