Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
