I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize