Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
