apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
