I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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