he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
