Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i think im in europe. pls send help
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
