if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
