She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
