he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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