turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
