Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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