Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
only you would photoshop your dick
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
