Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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