you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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