Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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