Small penises have feelings too.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
