He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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