Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
