party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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