remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize