It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
