But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
