Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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