a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize