haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize