i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
