I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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