Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
