You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you made out with another girl for some wings
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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