Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it glows. i had to have it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
