What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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