Do you still have your period?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
