Duck Duck Cougar?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
