I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
