im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
