I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
