babies were throwing up all over the place
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Everything about him screamed your future.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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