put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
