Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
