we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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