is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
