Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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