and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
