He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
