Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
