why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
