Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
is that a dick in a sweater?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
