You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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